Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, “Heaven’s getting pretty close to full today, and I’ve been asked to admit only people who’ve had particularly horrible deaths. So what’s your story?” So the first man replies: “Well, for a while I’ve suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to … →

A HUSBAND COMES HOME FROM CHURCH. HE GREETS HIS WIFE AND PICKS HER UP. HE THEN CARRIES HER AROUND THE HOUSE. THE WIFE IS VERY SURPRISED AND ASKS: ‘DID THE BISHOP PREACH ABOUT BEING ROMANTIC’? ‘NO’, REPLIED THE HUSBAND, ‘HE SAID WE MUST CARRY OUR BURDENS AND SORROWS’

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent but had not phoned in sick one day. Needing to have an urgent problem with one of the main computers resolved, he dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whisper. ‘Hello’ ‘Is your daddy home?’ he asked. ‘Yes ,’ whispered the small voice. ‘May I talk with him?’ The child whispered, ‘ No .’ Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the … →

WHATEVER Its a woman’s way of saying F*%K YOU!

  What’s really funny is that most of this part is the Truth! ***************************************************** MALE PROCEDURE: 1. Drive up to the cash machine. 2. Put down your car window. 3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN. 4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw. 5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt. 6. Put window up. 7. Drive off. FEMALE PROCEDURE:   1.. Drive up to cash machine. 2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with … →

A real woman is a man’s best friend. She will never stand him up and never let him down. She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day. She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and regret. She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires. She will make sure he always feels as though he’s … →

1. Walk on with a cooler that is labeled “HUMAN HEAD” on the side. 2. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering “Shut up, all of you, just shut up!” 3. Crack open your briefcase of purse, and while peering inside, ask, “Got enough air in there? 4. Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off. 5. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when … →